Disappointment and the like

So, tomorrow, everyone is going to ask how Thanksgiving went, and Thanksgiving itself was fine. I had a great time seeing my family, my nephews and neice are still the cutest and I love being around them, and I got to catch up with family. That is all good. But, the rest of the weekend, I prob. won’t really talk about. The reason why is that it pretty much got me down emotionally. I didn’t really feel like after Friday that I had a point to sticking around my hometown. I did get to visit with my grandmother and brother, but I didn’t organize my time and visiting well, and my mom and dad had to go out of town to pick up a tractor, so they weren’t home. I left, returning to Lexington, not to any particular thing to do other than put up my holiday decorations.

I usually enjoy the holidays, but as I am getting older, the more and more I begin to feel isolated and lonely. Decorating should be fun and worthwhile, but even when I was at home, we never did it together – it has always been me doing it by myself. While I do get a certain feeling when looking at lights at Christmastime, I am also reminded by the fact that I don’t have anyone to share those feelings with or any great friends around to fill my time and enjoy new experiences together with. Lexington, to me, is good at times, but it feels lonely, too, cause I have a small niche of friends who I don’t feel incredibly connected to. I mean, all of them are so great, but I don’t feel like I can just call them up and go hang out or just go grab a cup of coffee. I want people in my life who I can do that with. Those friends are few and far between. Maybe it is just me, but I have always felt like this, even when I was in college. I remember eating alone or just walking here and there alone and feeling like I didn’t quite fit in and it still persists.

There were good things this weekend, like seeing Pride and Predjudice and visiting my friend Tina, but there was also some disappointment, too and broken engagements that I had really been looking forward to. I get too emotionally attached to people and get my hopes up a lot of times and I get let down. I guess that is just part of life.

So, I did get to watch my shows tonight. I’m a bit disappointed that the hot guy that Meridith talked to at the end of last week’s show, didn’t show up this show. It could have been one of those deals where they replace someone from a previous episode with someone new, but this guy was soooo hot and I was looking forward to seeing him in tonights episode. Got an Indian dude instead. Hmm…

My nephew told me I told good stories this week. That made me feel good. It’s nice to get a compliment from a kid – I know it’s honest.

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