So, I’m kinda frustrated. I can’t quite get in the mood to be creative. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it is the fact that I had to compile a whole bunch of step by steps last week for a magazine submission (which totally sucked the creativity out of me). It was one of those “you have to sit yourself down and just do it” kinda moments. The total drawback to actually submitting your work is doing step by steps. Not fun at all.

So, I was reading in Simple Scrapbooks today and was mildly inspired. I also made some Valentine’s. I had been looking forward to making some all weekend and finally when I get to doing it, I’m just bored. MAybe, too, it was lack of organization of my supplies and what not (my paint was clogged and I made a mess with my glitter on my rug which kinda was a peeve).

I am constantly at odds with myself and my creativity. Maybe why I am having such a hard time with it is that, while I love being creative, I’m always thinking, “How can I make money doing this?” I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I think it sometimes puts me in a negative mindset. If I focus so much on getting published or submitting my work or making my designs fit into a certain category (page calls that are on certain topics or styles you have to follow), I am thus limiting myself and then the creative vibe I might have going can sometimes get crushed.

I just wish I could create and not feel such pressure. I do it to myself.

Hmm, moments where I felt creative bliss? Hmm…a few years ago, I made Valentine’s that I absolutely loved, and some of my recent digital pages have been fulfilling. I loved making Tasha’s b-day invites a couple of years ago and other invites for my friend Jeff and Molly. Those were fun, time consuming, but fun. When I have a theme or idea and can run with it, it is totally fun to me. Like I love being able to add personality to a project. Like with Tasha’s invites, I was able to draw a cartoony version of her that resembled her and how she dressed (down to a flower pin on her shirt and a rhinestone ring on her finger). To do projects like that, that is what I love. I love doing anything pop-culture related, too. The more kitsch or funky, the better. Maybe i need to really steer away from doing random pages for submission and think of how I can apply my love of pop culture and little details to my work. That’s what totally makes me happy.

Well, off to bed. I can’t believe it is the start of a new week already. I’m not excited, but I guess it will be nice to have some human interaction. For the most part this weekend, I have been in this little cocoon. While, it is nice sometimes, other times it is lonely. I can only handle so much me time.