out of place

Do you ever feel out of place? Totally awkward and feel like you just don’t belong?
I really try to get along with everyone and I’m pretty good about making conversation for the situation at hand, but sometimes I just can’t get it right.

I was in a situation this past weekend, where there were 7-10 of us at any given moment, and I tried, but couldn’t help to feel outside the crowd. It’s not that anyone was being rude or even ignoring me, I just didn’t feel like I had as much in common or anything to contribute. And when I did contribute, I felt like it wasn’t anything significant to add or anything anyone else got excited talking about.

As I get older, I just realize that I’m much better socializing in a small, intimate group…preferably just one on one or 3, perhaps 4. I’m ok in group settings if I know the people really well, like my college friends or work friends and some of my Lex friends who I think like the quirkiness that I add to the group. Admittedly, I can be kinda loud and funny and I like attention, so maybe I try to shine a little too bright at times. I think I do this to compensate for attention I didn’t get as a kid. But this past weekend, I feel like I really toned it down, cause the people I were with also have strong personalities and have a foundation in the group. Maybe I just don’t have that type of foundation…something that takes a while with people you don’t know very well. Or maybe I just don’t fit in and just need to accept it.

Maybe it’s just me…one of those self-conscience things where you feel like you are back in middle school and worry to much about what others think, when, in fact, they aren’t analyzing you like you think.

You would think that getting older would make me wiser to things, but sometimes I just think it triggers past feelings. Life seems to work that way.


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